It's been an active year...

It's been an active year for me race wise. So why haven't I posted? I just can't seem to get it together to post lately... okay a little longer than lately.  I've had great successes with endurance events this year and several big PR's. Outside of racing though life has been tough. Seems like it's one thing after another. If anyone has a teenage daughter they may understand.

Being a mother isn't always a rewarding job. Often times we have to make tough decisions. I'm to a point that I'm not sure I can make it through another tough decision. My daughter is a strong willed, moody, demanding, all knowing 14 year old.

This past summer she came back to live with me full time after a year of barely talking to me or fighting with me every time she stayed with me. Unfortunately, this was not by her choice. It's been tough. We've had good times (not that she can remember that when she gets in her moods) and we've had bad times (to her that is all the time). Unfortunately, those bad times happen often. She wants more freedom. She wants to see her dad, who isn't supposed to have contact with her and at one point she didn't want to talk to him or see him. She has recently called him anyways. Of course then I'm the bad guy... for turning him in for child support, for keeping her away from him (mind you by court order, he's a pedophile, he likes teenage girls who are under 17), for working night shift when she was younger so she stayed during the week with my mom and grandma (funny how I made it to her school functions though), for not letting her have more freedom. I'm always the bad guy, but I'm always there for her.

Yes, I expect her to stand up for herself. Yes, I expect her to be respectful and respectable. Yes, I expect her to take responsibility for her actions and behavior. Yes, I expect her to go to school and to get good grades. Yes, expect her to do things around the house. So what does a parent do when these things are not happening?  She doesn't have a phone any more due to it breaking and later her throwing it several times on the driveway when she was mad.  She runs out of the house and doesn't care about consequences. She skips school. She isn't afraid of running away. Her dad is back in town so she knows she can always go to him.

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. All I can do is tie a knot and hold on for dear life.